


A Day in the Life

by dsa_archivist, EA Karras (Anne)



Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Humor, M/M, Series: Mountie Slayer, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-03-30
Updated: 2000-03-30
Packaged: 2018-11-10 19:36:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11133345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anne/pseuds/EA%20Karras
Summary: A bit of fluff. A day at the zoo.This story is a sequel toAdam.





	A Day in the Life

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).
    
    
    Title: "A Day in the Life"
    Author: Magnes and EA Karras
    Rating: PG
    Disclaimers: Due South belongs to Alliance. Tom is Karra's, Cal is Magnes'.
    Dedication: To our loyal fan of many questions. Many...many...many questions.
    Mostly about Dief. We dedicate this bit of fluff to Shotboxer, without
    whose badgering we would never have named the turtle. 
    
    ---
    
    "Frase?" 
    
    "Yes, Ray?" 
    
    "Still sure you want to do this?" 
    
    "Are you having second thoughts?" 
    
    "About us?  Going?" 
    
    "Yes." 
    
    "Frase, the last time we tried something like this I ended up rebuilding
    a '67 Mustang and making out with Vecchio." 
    
    "Ray, Ray, Ray!  It's just an outing to the zoo.  What could go wrong?"
    
    "Frase, it's us!  You want a list?" 
    
    *** 
    
    "Map...check.  Compass...check.  Notebook...check.    Sunblock...check.
    Site diagrams...check.  Sunglasses...check.  Hat...che-" 
    
    "Jay, we're going to the zoo, not finding the source of the Nile!" 
    
    "Oh, thank you, Miss Runamukluk!" 
    
    "How long am I going to have to apologise for booking us to the wrong
    town?" 
    
    "When France pays off its war debt to the United States." 
    
    "That could take forever." 
    
    "Lucky thing we're undead, huh?" 
    
    *** 
    
    "Cassie, honey, you can't bring the devil dog." 
    
    "Oh, Daddy, didn't James tell you?  We named him." 
    
    "Did you?  What?" 
    
    "Guess." 
    
    "Rover." 
    
    "No. Guess." 
    
    "Spot." 
    
    "Daddy!  Guess." 
    
    "I'm trying.  Why don't you give me a hint?" 
    
    "I told you!  Guess!  His name is Guess." 
    
    ... 
    
    "Whose idea was that?" 
    
    "James'." 
    
    "Bring 'em." 
    
    *** 
    
    "The zoo?  Why would I want to go to the zoo?" 
    
    "Ah, Stell, Stan and Benny just figured the McGets would have fun around
    the animals and they just wanted everyone to have a relaxing day.  Come
    on!  We deserve to relax a little." 
    
    "Do they have a rodent house?" 
    
    *** 
    
    "Renfield, are you really wearing your uniform to the zoo?" 
    
    "Yes, Mina, why wouldn't I?  I am, after all, a member of the Royal Canadian
    Mounted Slayers." 
    
    "I know, darling but...it's going to be very hot today." 
    
    "Don't worry.  I'll wear my hat." 
    
    "I'm sure that'll make a difference. At least wear the summer uniform."
    
    *** 
    
    "Son. Yank."
    
    "Dad."
    
    "Hey, Canada."
    
    //Your new friend has some odd extracurricular habits.//
    
    "Which one? Dead Man Walking?  He's supposed to weird, Canada, it's his
    job." 
    
    //Erm, no...the psychic one.//
    
    "Such as?"
    
    //Such as last night I tracked him and saw him behead a Chaos demon with
    a pen knife.// 
    
    "Surely you're exaggerating."
    
    //No. And don't call me Shirley.//
    
    ...
    
    //Sorry. How could I be exaggerating, I'm dead. Besides, it'd be hard
    to miss something like that. Chaos are all slime and antlers.// 
    
    "Must be the Canadian variety.  Here in Chicago they look like dust bunnies
    the size of a doberman." 
    
    "Rrrrrr." 
    
    "Sorry, Dief." 
      
    ***
    
    "You be nice to Mr. Calhoun, Raimondo."
    
    "When am I never nice?"
    
    "Every timeIs this enough food?" 
    
    "Yeah, if you're feeding Norway.  Ma..." 
    
    "James has been very good lately. And he's one of the family now." 
    
    "Ma. Don't be ridiculo- OW!" 
    
    *** 
    
    "Zero hour, Frase, an' - Oh, my god, they're all here!  This is a miracle!
    Since when has Jay been able to tell time?" 
    
    "Since Lucia moved into his apartment.  Good morning Mina, Turnbull."
    
    "Good morning Constable.  Have you spoken to tom or Cassandra?" 
    
    "We just arrived.  Why?" 
    
    "I'm rather confused, sir, at the naming of the devil dog.  I asked it's
    name and cassandra said, 'Guess,' and I haven't gotten it's name yet.
    Do you have any suggestions?" 
    
    "I got one, Turnbull!  Give up!" 
    
    "Ray!" 
    
    ******* 
    
    "Where to first, folks?" 
    
    "Rodents!" 
    
    "Reptiles!" 
    
    "Petting zoo!" 
    
    "Wolves!" 
    
    "Nooooooooo!" 
    
    ... 
    
    "Benito, you do not want to see the wolves?" 
    
     "I would prefer to see the otters." 
    
    "Benny, are you sure about that?" 
    
    "Very." 
    
    "Whew.  No wolves then, Benny.  Sorry, Dief.  Maybe Lucia will take you."
    
    "James, are you alright?" 
    
    "I am NOT going anywhere near those wolves, Tom." 
    
    "A bad experience?" 
    
    "Took me months to recover." 
    
    "Hey!  Everybody!  I got you all copies of all the brochures and pamphlets!
    Here!  Look at this!  Impala, cougar, monarch, skylark - they've named
    a lot of animals after cars, haven't they?" 
    
    "English izn't yer first language, is it, Jay?" 
    
    *** 
    
    "What're you doing in here, James?"
    
    "It's day. I shouldn't be out."
    
    "You agreed...."
    
    "This shirt itches."
    
    "Jay likes his."
    
    "Jay likes everything."
    
    "James."
    
    *sigh*
    
    "You just like the fish, don't you?"
    
    "YeahPretty ironic for a guy that hates water, huh?" 
     
    "Yeah.  They're making me hungry." 
    
    *** 
    
    "Are those dogs laughing, Fraser?" 
    
    "They're hyenas. Don't get too close." 
    
    "Why?" 
    
    "They're liable to possess you." 
    
    "Really?" 
    
    "Yeh....no. Not really." 
     
    "So why can'y I get too close?" 
    
    ... 
    
    "Dief!  Get away from there!  Come on!  Hey, you kid, back off unless
    ya wanna be laughing like one o'them mangy mutts!" 
    
    ****** 
    
    "You're Tom's daughter, right?  Cassandra, is it?" 
    
    "Yeah." 
    
    "I'm Ray's girlfriend, Stella." 
    
    "Oh.  I thought your name was Irene." 
    
    "I get called that, too." 
    
    "Ray said you were a vengance demon.  That is soooo cool." 
    
    "It has it's moments.  If you ever need help with anything, call me,
    okay?" 
    
    "Yeah. thanks." 
    
    "Oh, the rodent house!  My favorite!" 
    
    "You, too?" 
    
    "Of course.  Oh, look!  Lemmings! Do you think they have samples?" 
    
    ******* 
    
    "Ray, put on more sunblock." 
    
    "Fraser, I feel like an oil slick." 
    
    "Hey!  You!  With the blue hair!  Yeah, you!" 
    
    "Crud, Frase, he thinks I'm a senior citizen." 
    
    "Hey!  I'm talkin' to you!  You got a license for that werewolf?" 
    
    "Yeah, what's it to ya?" 
    
    "I'm with demon control.  He's supposed to be on a leash." 
    
    "Take a good look at him, pal, does he look like he needs a leash?  A
    bath, maybe, but..." 
    
    "It's not a full moon. Why is he human?" 
    
    "None of your business, Nosey Parker." 
    
    "Whoa!  Frase!  Down boy!  /You/, Mr Demon Control Freak, scram before
    I let my friend the Mounted Slayer jump bogart on yer sorry carcass.
    NOW!" 
    
    ... 
    
    "Hey, Frase, that was pretty good.  Scared 'em off.  Let's go check out
    the bat cave.  My eyes hurt." 
    
    ******* 
    
    "Raymundo, /I/ will hold Adam." 
    
    "Aw, come on Ma, I never get a chance.  And his name is Caine." 
    
    "Then why did Thomas say his name is Adam?" 
    
    "Tom doesn't know what he's talking about.  The kid's name is Caine.
    Stan calls him Aja.  Nobody but you and Tom calls him Adam.  Come on."
    
    "You carry Guess." 
    
    "I'm not carrying a devil dog that looks like a punk dachshund - OW!
    Hey, no biting, Guess!" 
    
    ***
    
    "Ooh. Shark."
    
    "You're really starting to scare me, Tom."
    
    ***
    
    "This is really quite fascinating, Mina."
    
    "It's a turtle."
    
    "Yes. Amazing. Turtle racing."
    
    "This is not a race."
    
    "Mina..."
    
    "Renfield. They're barely moving."
    
    "What would you do if I insulted chicken fights?"
    
    "Insult them with you."
    
    "Point taken."
    
    ***
    
    "...shape of the llama's hoof allows it to more easily traverse the-Ray?
    Ray?  Ray!" 
    
    "Huh?" 
    
    "Are you listening?" 
    
    "Uhhh...feet?" 
    
     "It's almost two.  Shall we head towards the picninc area?" 
    
    "Sure." 
    
    "Put more sunblock on when we get there." 
    
    "Awwww, c'mon, Frase!" 
    
    "No arguing, Ray." 
    
    "Something's trailin' us, Fraser." 
    
    "It's a peacock, Ray." 
    
    "They poisenous?" 
    
    "Not at this time of year." 
    
    "Oh.  'Kay." 
    
    ***
    
    "Daddy! James!" 
    
    "Hi, Cassie." 
    
    "Dad...why is your hair wet?" 
    
    "Because he broke one of the fish tanks." 
    
    "Dad!" 
    
    "Sorry. I was hungry. And don't tell me you girls didn't eat something
    in the rodent hut." 
    
    "House." 
    
    "Sorry, Tom. We couldn't help it." 
    
    "It's a good thing this is Gangrel territory..." 
     
    "Cass, did you snag me a mouse or something?" 
    
    "TOM!" 
    
    "Just - I'm just asking, James." 
    
     *** 
     
    "Turnbull!  Mina!  Over here!" 
    
    "Whew!  Quite the steamy day, Detective." 
    
    "Call me Ray, Turnbull, will ya?  Yeah, we all needed to get out of the
    sun.  I swear, I gained five pounds today, but it was all sunblock. 
    Uh, listen Turnbull, Ma brought enough food to feed all of Norway.  We've
    got to make a dent in it or she'll be hurt." 
    
    "I shall endevor to spare her feelings at all costs, Detec-Ray." 
    
    "Watch out for them birds.  Fraser says they can be poisonous." 
    
    "Peacocks?" 
    
    "Yeah, I was pretty surprised myself.  Hey, Turnbull, what's with all
    the hair on yer tunic thing?" 
    
    "Ah!  Oh, dear.  The petting zoo.  The angora rabbit." 
    
    "Yeah, I heard they've got a thing for red serge.  Figure out what they
    named that dog yet?" 
    
    *** 
    
    "Not eating, Tom?" 
    
    "I had some fish before, thanks.  Is Adam behaving?" 
    
    "Can a month-old baby misbehave?" 
    
    "Good point, Ray." 
    
    "You feeling okay?" 
    
    "Mostly.  I've been craving things with scales lately.  Please don't
    tell James.  He worries." 
    
    "He's not alone." 
    
    *** 
    
    "Diefenbaker!  That is quite enough!  I told you no bones!  I don't care
    what Guess is doing, he's a Devil Dog and they can eat concrete and come
    back for more.  You are a werewolf and your dietary requirements are
    completely different...I realize there's a Hell Hound somewhere in your
    family tree but you haven't been endowed with their ability to digest
    anything they can swallow.  And you are not to chase the exotic birds.
    I told you before, Lucia can take you to visit the wolves.  I'm sorry,
    but I genuinely do not want to go near the wolf cage.  Maybe Ray will
    go with you.  No, do NOT ask Jamey to go along.  Diefenbaker!  No more
    chicken.  Eat some salad.  Don't look at me like that.  Someone has to
    balance your diet." 
    
    "Hey, Dief!  Want some corn chips?" 
    
    "RAY!" 
    
    "What? They have corn in them." 
    
    "And salt.  And fat." 
    
    "So?" 
    
    *sigh* 
    
    "Hey, can I talk to you guys?" 
    
    "Sure, Tom. Pull up a rock. What's up?" 
    
    "Well...we've known each other a bit now, and there's something I think
    that you should know?" 
    
    "Yes?" 
    
    "I...I'm a slayer. A real one." 
    
    "Yeah. So?" 
    
    "You knew?" 
    
    "Kinda hard not to know. You do everything but wear a giant 'Hi, I'm
    a Slayer, look at me,' sign." 
    
    "Ray!"  
    
    "Well, he does!" 
        
    *** 
     
    "Hey, Tom?" 
    
    "Yeah, Ray?" 
    
    "I see you eyeing that turtle. Do NOT be gettin' any ideas about mine."
    
    "Um..." 
    
    "Do not be goin' there, Grissom!  My home is yours, but my turtle is
    not an entree!" 
    
    "Um..." 
    
    "Oh, my god!  You ATE my turtle!" 
    
    "No.  The cricket Fraser put in the tank with her." 
    
    "You ate a bug?" 
    
    "...yeah..." 
    
    "Ew.  Don't talk to me." 
    
    ***
    
    "Lucia!  Look!  At the aquarium!  They have stingrays and barracuddas!"
    
    "Get help, Jay." 
    
    "Hey. Who broke the eel tank?"
    
    "I'll give you one guess."
    
    "I don't want a Devil Dog...."
    
    "Devil Dog nothing...I'm glad I can't get pregnant if that's what it
    does to you." 
    
    "Huh?" 
        
    *** 
    
    "....Oh!!! Guess!!" 
    
    "Finally got it, eh?" 
    
    ***  
    
    "Okay!  Okay!  Uh, you guys go see the wolves.  We'll all uh, keep this
    bench company.  Yeah.  It's lonely." 
    
    "Yes, all the other benches have people on them and it's feeling neglected."
    
    "Shove over, Stan." 
    
    "Constable Fraser, I'd rather stand, if that's alright." 
    
    "It's yer day off, Turnbull.  Ya don't need permission to to do anything
    today." 
    
    "But I'm in uniform." 
    
    "Benny's not." 
    
    "Uh, James, I was going to join them.  Are you ever going to tell me
    why you don't want to go near the wolves?" 
    
    "Maybe.  In about thirty years." 
    
    "Will you keep Guess?  He's looking tired." 
    
     "Yeah, give me the Hell Hound wannabe." 
    
    "See you in a few minutes." 
    
    *** 
    
    "Excuse me, sirs?" 
    
    "Uh..." 
    
    "Crap.  Now what did he eat?" 
    
    "Yes, officer?  How can we assist you?" 
    
    "Are you gentlemen with the party that includes the werewolf?" 
    
    "Yyyyyyeah.  What did he do?" 
    
    "The werewolf?  Nothing.  However, several animals have disappeared from
    their pens and we're missing two eels and a rainbow trout.  Also, one
    of the animal keepers reported a bucket of herring meant for the polar
    bears has also vanished." 
    
    "Oh, dear." 
    
    "Oh, shit." 
    
    "That, and apparently your Devil Dog ate a topiary boxwood and the ceramic
    planter it was in." 
    
    "He's not mine!" 
    
    "You're holding the leash, Calhoun." 
    
    "Turnbull, hold this." 
    
    "No, thank you, Elder." 
    
    "Uh...so...where do we go from here?" 
    
    "The front gate.  We have orders to escort you over to get the rest of
    your party, then escort you out and advise you never to return." 
    
    "Excuse me, officer, but is it necessary that we all go?  You see, several
    of us - well, actually, ALL of us here right now have an aversion to
    wolves - " 
    
    "All of you.  Now.  Together.  We'll have a bill prepared by the time
    you reach the gate." 
    
    "I knew we shoulda gone hiking, Fraser." 
    
    "This is Gangrel territory!" 
    
    "Prety ironic, eh, Vecchio?" 
    
    "What was that?" 
    
    *howling noises* 
    
    "Oh dear..." 
    
    *** 
    
    "What happened here?" 
    
    "Well...the werewolf...He was howling with the pack, and the demon joined
    in. Scared the living crap out of the wolves..." 
    
    *sigh* 
    
    "We should go." 
    
    "Quite right, Ray. Come on, group..." 
    
    


End file.
